Simple Perspective

A break from the monotonous working life!

2006-06-12T12:49:00.000+08:00

I am back on my feets again from a week long break. Many of you might start pondering which country i have been too, actually, i did not go to any county for a holiday. I merely went back to reservist. Initially tot reservist was quite fun, but it turns out to be a tough time for me, as i need to take care of my guy which are under me. Overall, not to bad i guess and would gladly go back if i were to be called upon.

Hmm, after a long week in camp, the smell of civilian life seems great. But on the other hand, back to the civilian life means more worries about work and personal life. Hmm, just felt weird, guess i am no longer the person i used to be. The lively and proactive me starts to vanquish into the past and now the non chalant part of me starts to surface and i guess communication doesn't really seems to be like the past anymore. Life is all about expectations i guess, where we have a certian benchmark of acceptance. But too me, the more expectations i have, things might in e end turn out to be worse. In e past i use to put in more extra effort to work things out and provide a solution to problems doesn't seems to be what i wanna do now. All i wanna is just to sit back and let thing run. Well cos i came to know that no matter how much i can put forward and sacrifice for someone is not being appreciated and i felt i was being taken for grant. Right now at this point i guess i am still feeling sore. But past experiences have taught me well, and be it things will turn out good or bad, doesn't really matter anymore. Cos i know no matter how hard i tried, it will still be e same.

2 more weeks left for my real holiday to bangkok, really looking forward to have some fun and get away from the hustle and bustle of the working life. And thanks JY for spending the time to read my blog and talk to me. You have been such a dear and thanks so much.

Moster Clients, Monster Demands

2006-05-25T11:03:00.000+08:00

Anyone who lives and breathe in the creative industry at one time or another has had the client from hell. The difference between the good clients and bad clients isn't actually all that great. Every clients are demanding both in the creative wise and thier budget wise. Based on my experience, good clients and bad clients will push you to do your best work but not neccessary your ideal renumeration demand, so how is best to work your way around it?

When you were a kid, i guess your mum would have always pester you and try to find out your social life, who is the gang u have been hanging around with and did you every beat someone else up in school. Looking back, if you ever notice, everything boils down to the communication process. Same goes with communication with your clients. Recent;y, upon picking up a freelance project, I was brief on the job scope and deliverables. Based on what i have derived, clients most of the time only have a rough idea in might of thier goal. But its how we can dig more information out from them to make out designing process easier. Understanding thier industry model is also another way of staying in line with the clients thought. As the saying goes, know your foes and the battle is half won. This way, you can have a better gauge of the complexity of the job and also on the other hand you can also at the same time have a certian direction to work towards.

Mastering the communication process with client is definatly not an easy feat. By now, you will already have a rough idea oh how ridiculous thier demands maybe, and sometimes they even ask for something which is not feastable. Instead of saying yes and pleasing the clients in all aspect, which might kill you in the long run. Its better to educate them on the constraints and giving your upmost professional advice to enlighten them. You might not really agree with me as well theres a saying "clients are always right". Well think again, if they are that professional and is always right, then in the first place they would be able to proceed on with the design process and they won't even need your professional input. Secondly, times have change, clients are more acceptable to imputs, and they might even feel that you are providing them with value added services. Next time, before you say yes to your clients demands, maybe you should ponder on the points which i have pointed out.

Me, Myself and Design

2006-04-22T10:26:00.000+08:00

Since school has started, i have been overwhelm by projects and assignments. My work has also been demanding, meeting client expectations, and at the same time trying to step out of my comfort zone. From the grades that i got for my assignment, shows that i am a visual person. What do i mean by that? Well i am creative, but not the writing aspects part but more on the designing and artistic part. My Uni lecturer has approach me and wanted to showcase my work in the up coming school open house. I was gald u bet, finally being able to be regconised as i top the class. The lecturer also told fellow students to take my assignment as a guide and aid them in thier creative thinking process.
However, i am not all happy or delighted by the comments he made. I am a designer and it is natural for me to outshine the rest of the people. I went to uni hoping to obtain greater horizons. Although i obtain a better comprehension on communication industry and majot key concepts, i felt that my artistic vision has decline. I am not as creative as ever, my magazine layout has been quite static, no much improvement. But i can't really care much cos one of my selfish colleagues always did not provide materials for me on time, but the production timeline is still fixed. Hence, everytime i need to rush and can't really put serious thoughts on changing the look and feel of the magazine. Really feel like leaving and going to somewhere which offers more creative work.
But no matter what, guess i need to endure til my studies are done. In the mean time, got a grea idea, i should turn this blog into a designer's blog, so it act as a reference point for me to cite work that are good and hopefully i can aid someone in becoming a designer.

Imagine how long i did not blog

2006-02-24T14:25:00.000+08:00

Well, well, really i am SIN!!, it has been sometime since i last blog, think its time to do something abt it. Just a brief update on whats going on currently, school has started, and assignments are flocking in. Tonnes of work i need to do in office. But guess what, i am quite glad that i am able to finish a flash game in 2 weeks, and it in PIXEL ART!!. So click on this link, www.cliocampus.com and play the clio city game and forget your worries.

School has been great, makes me able to think better and articulate in a more profound manner, although we are still stuck in our singapore studying conventions. Netherless, i think is definately a choice which i never forget. Have been catching up with some friends recently, and pls for god sake, please spare me from those inevitable question of hows life?, wheres your spouse?, how come you are still so short?. I guess you all can be more creative than tat and able to come up with witty taglines. As for the question of what kinda ladies i like, its really up to you to find out. And dun jump to conclusion that i need a more lively lady by my side, as a matter of fact, i dun.

And so what if i found the right one? does it really matter?

Does it matters?

2005-10-23T18:30:00.000+08:00

Does it really matters if i truly care?
Even when i really felt the need to keep you protected?

Does it ever occur to you that it hurts me more when i see you cry?
Or is it those tears which makes you feel i am so unfeeling?

Sometimes things happen for a reason, but mostly things just come its way.
But does that mean i have to bear everything just to for you to go astray

I am unsure, really unsure, about the things which you promise me
for all those tears which drops, and things will never be the same again

No matter how hard i tried, or how hard i cried,
It will fruitless if we don't see eye to eye

In our heart, we will go our ways, even on the surface,
we seems to be going striaght,
show me a sign and i will make it right.

But in then end, does it really matters?
If you don't show me what you are feeling inside?
As to you, i will always be wrong
no matter how hard i tried.

---sad_feelings---

Its funny how things are

2005-10-11T21:28:00.000+08:00

Its kinda funny when someone does something good, its never really appreciated whereas once something bad comes out from him, its always being dwell upon. Is requesting a taboo or sin? Sometimes is really hard for us to differeciate, don't you agree? When things like this happen, life or lives will never be the same again. The mutual understanding is no longer viable. Just realise that when things go wrong, people who are involved tends to be the last one to know. He have to keep on prying for information, this should not be the way right? Whats with the common understanding thats he shld be made known of all events, be it happiness or sadness, but why must he be the hard up one trying all his means to look for the missing piece to the puzzle. I really dun understand, and i guess i will nobody will understand my fustrations and agony.

But still life has to go on right? Instead of dwelling on things, guess i have to leave everything back to my mind, and i will try no to ask things which are impossible. A lesson learn will always be a lesson remembered.

Everything In Its Time

2005-08-30T13:18:00.000+08:00

Everything In Its Time - Corrine May

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

Retrospective

2005-08-29T16:13:00.000+08:00

Looking back, things which happened in e past, more often than not, esp those heart wenching incidents are bound to leave deep impacts on our lifes. No matter how much we tried to change, things won't be the same as we always wanna it to be. Putting yourself in someone shoes, and looking from their perspective, i have came to realise that everything that i had set out to accomplish, is nothing great, on the contrary, i have created nothing but hurt. Sometimes, certain care and concern that you provide, may not be adequate for the person, whats worse is that he/she might even be appalled by you actions.

No matter how i wish certain things will take a turn in course, but rather than requesting, sometimes it might be better to remain slient and just let god do his job. I guess somehow along the way, things just changed, no matter is it to my advantage or not, life still has to go on.

Who do you turn to when the only person
in the world that can make you happy,
is exactly the one making you sad?

Communication Woes

2005-08-28T11:53:00.000+08:00

Recently, since i have been hibernating at home, i came to realise that when one starts to stay in his/her own world, he/she will have a hard time trying to related his/her thoughts to others. Take me for instance, i was told by my soon to be employer to create some designs mock ups for a proposal pitch, well, i thought its a piece of cake as i have been doing so often. But when i tried to settle down and start doing it, i tried really hard, trust me, really hard to create something out of the box, but no matter how hard i tried, i wasn't able to. So all in all, i was having these thoughts of me losing my inspiration, but is it true that is all about my own inspiration of did i fail to take his brief to heart, fail to understand the lurking creatives beneth the brief?

I am really puzzled too. But anyways, i have fail, as a designer to come up with something to impress, furthermore, i was appointed as the senior designer....what can be worse than not being able to impress, or even perform. So back here, i am back to my drawing board, where my whole world seems monochormatic, lacking the desired lusture. i remembered someone once told me, the difference between a normal person and a sportman. The difference is in the way they think, a normal person may just be concern about the end results, whereas for the sports personal, they are more concern about the process, and will keep on pondering on how they can improve. So i guess this can be applied to designers as well, we are a whole idiotic buch of people who never stops thinking. Cos we can't afford to, as once we stop, thats it, nothing good will come out from you.

So i haven't been seriously into thinking these 2 mths, its time for me to buck up, a create a stunning milestone in my carrer, and hopefully my personal being too. As i think i haven been relating to people well recently. Nobody seems to look at my perspective, guess i am all alone...

In this century, humans are getting less senstive, nobody seems to understand what you want, and the extra mile that u have walk for them. what saddens me most are these people, most likely are the ones u care a love about. When you said that u love him/her, if you are lucky, they might give u a big hug, but for those less fortunate one, all the get is one word of being missed, but deep down inside of them, how they yearn for the person to actually be physically and emotionally infront of them to care for them. You may think that what i am saying doesn't make sense, but once you are there, in the excat situation, you will come to realise that how unloved you maybe. On second thoughts, think back about what i have said, does it reminds you that you have been neglecting your love ones recently? If you are nodding your head and reading this, i reckon you to try and understand what communication actually means.

Is it all about words that are spoken striaght from the mouth, or those unspoken but yet fragile emotions which is left unsaid. You be the judge alrights?

The greatest need of a human being is psychological survival is to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated

Got spotted

2005-06-06T16:51:00.000+08:00

Had a fun time last week end, went chilling and then chalet, haven been getting into activities which you need to exchange your precious sleep in order to obtain the fun part. As the saying goes, a bad time can also be a good time, yeah. U are right, not feeling good again, yeah yeah, complians what else? My dream of being able to fully do what i wanna, which is to pursue my studies, but well, NTU rejected my application, thinking i was wasting their time, and well, 3 other unis from overseas thought i was good and offered me a pretty good advance standing, so which is which, am i good or bad, well eventually, the blame still comes back to me. Reason being i am so idoitic in the past as why shld i do design? Everything in this sunny island is abt grades, as they feel that good grades equals to a fantasic person who can do the best for the society, but it might not be the case from my perspective.

You shld be thinking i am glad that i can go overseas as i got accepted right, all is bull shit, the promise of me going to study overseas is not coming, due to the fact that someone, who went overseas and came back, was not able to get a job. So thats why the thought of going overseas was diminish, what too do, i sux. So now what i can do is to get a higher paid job, and hopefully save enuff cash to self fund my part time studies. Well, thank god, for everything you did, including giving me such a shitty time. Anyways, heres the picture i was spotted.

A gentle reminder

2005-05-10T09:29:00.000+08:00

My husband was an engineer. Since I met him, he was always an unflappable rock in my life. I knew he always had his feet firmly planted on the ground, and it seemed that no matter what else went crazy, he would be the one constant. Three years of romance, and two years of marriage later, I got tired. He was the most unromantic man I know. He never bought me flowers, he never surprised me, and nothing changed in our marriage.After some time, I finally found the courage to tell him that I wanted to leave him. He just sat there, speechless. My heart froze... what kind of man was I married to that didn't even know what to say to make me stay? After a while, he spoke, "What can I do to change your mind?" "I will stay if you can give me a good answer to this question," I replied coldly. "If I asked for a flower that grew on a cliff and you knew that getting it forme means certain death, would you get it for me?" His face grew troubled. Can I give you an answer tomorrow morning?" he asked. Hearing that kind of answer, my heart died. I knew that I could never be happy with a man who couldn't even give me an answer straight away. The next morning, when I woke up, he was missing. In the living room, under a warm glass of milk, was a note. My eyes grew misty as I read it...
Dear, I have my answer. I will never pick the flower for you if it meant certain death. But before you leave, I hope you can give me a chance to give you my reasons.... You will always sit in front of the computer and type about for the whole day, but every time you will end up in tears cause your formatting will always go all over the place... I need my fingers to do the formatting for you, so your tears will become smiles. You like to travel, but would always get lost... I need my eyes, so that I can bring you to the nicest places on earth. Every time you leave the house, you would always forget your keys... I need my legs, so that I can run home to open the door for you. You never knew how to take care ofyourself... I need my hands to help you get rid of the pesky white hair you hate so much when you grow old, to trim your nails, to feed you. So you see, that's why I can't pick the flower for you. Until I find someone who loves you more than I do, I will need my body to take care of you. If you accept my reasons, then open the door, where I will be waiting with your favorite muffin." With tears streaming from my eyes, I opened the door, and there he stood, with an extremely worried look on his face. He still had nothing to say,but just stood there waving the packet he had in his hand in front of me. And then I knew for a fact that I will never find another man who will ever love me as much as he does. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want mean that they don't love you with all they have If someone comes into your life and becomes a part of you but for some reasons he couldn't stay, don't cry too much... Just be glad that your paths crossed and; somehow he made you happy even for a while.
The greatest regrets in our lives are the risks we did not take. If you think something will make you happy, GO FOR IT. Remember that we pass this way only once.

Arrhhh!!! I Hate actionscripting

2005-05-03T14:34:00.000+08:00

Need i say more......ARHH!!!!

Hectic life

2005-05-02T00:29:00.000+08:00

Hmm, kinda tired these few days, have not been sleeping earli. This is not due to work or stress, actually i kinda like it, cos these few nights have been meeting up with alot of old frens, which i meant primary school fren which i have seen in like 10 yrs or so.

Tummy is bludging and i think i really need to discipline myself to get back in shape, IPPT is coming and i dun really enjoy the idea of failing it and going for RT (remedial training) fot 3 mths which is kinda like time wasting. Might as well train up and who know, get paid for doing it well. I have been trying quite hard to find a good free webhost, cos finally, i have come out with an idea for my webpage and i am working on it now. All in all, i haven really achieve much recently, besides coding someone elses blog, got praise for a good job done, i think its time for me to ponder on som stuff which will benefit me in the long run, like thinking of some ideas for an online game or som series of animation, to showcase my skills which i think would b nice. Every one is getting themself known. I think its abt time for me to stop thinking of keep on earning $$, afterall, i need to have some free time. To all my khakis who ask me to go dbl o last night, i think i am pretty sorry cos i was having some urgent apointments, but til then, i will make time for u and fred not, we will see each other some day, and have a good time then.

To all my frens, something for u all "Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same." And you all belongs to this cat..

New Look!!!

2005-04-28T22:55:00.000+08:00

I finally got the time to change the look of this blog, hows it? Like it?

Wallets? Do they remind you of ur precious ones?

2005-04-14T13:01:00.000+08:00

I came upon chance for they web, not going for lunch so i decide to surf while i am in office. Nice article to share, and pls dun think i am skiving, this is lunch time for christ sake. Well here u go.

Someone said... "Wallets are a lot like girls.You really have to take good care of, becauseif you won't, something might happen"...I know what he means. I just lost a wallet, andI just lost a girl.You know, it's the exact same thing.One day, you just realize it's gone.You try to look for it everywhere, even goingback to the places where you could have lostit.You think, and you think hard, only to comeupon a grim realization: it's really gone.Of course, you can hold on to some hope.After all, there have been some very, very lucky(blessed?) people who get it back.Perhaps you could become one of thosepeople.You sit home and you hope that someonewould call, and that you would get it back.But then, some time passes, and you realizethat it's still gone, and you realize that it's timeto let go.

The first few days, you turn to your friends forsupport.Some tell you you'll be ok, some tell you that itwas your faultand that you should have been more careful,and some tell you about their ownexperiences.They give you all sorts of advice, none youhaven't heard before.You then go out to find a new wallet, only torealize that you don't really want a new one.You want the old one that you lost.No, you don't want all these better-lookingwallets, you want yours,because of how comfortable it is, because ofall the cards and pictures and other stuff in it.You go out and carry on without a wallet,keeping your money in your pocket instead.You throw away stuff that you would have heldon to if you had your old wallet.And then, finally, you find a new wallet you likeand settle in.You then start filling your new wallet, little by little.It still doesn't feel as comfortable as the oldone, but it's getting there.

Then you start putting in cards and picturesand other important stuff in the wallet.Soon enough, there's as much stuff in yournew wallet as the old one.And then, after some time, you feel ascomfortable with your new wallet.And then you realize that you've almostforgotten you ever had your old wallet.Sure, you still remember most of the stuff you lost on that wallet.But then again, you don't remember the feeling of hurt that you felt when you lost it.That's because that wallet you lost is nolonger your wallet.You're no longer holding on.This new wallet you're holding, it has all the important cards and pictures and stuff thatyou need.This is your wallet.And this time, you tell yourself, you're neverlosing this one.

Missing you already?

2005-04-14T00:43:00.000+08:00

Well, my habit is coming back again, just look at the time now, i should be in bed but yet i am working, just like the past, when am i all alone. It has been a couple of days u left for holidays, and each day i keep hoping that it will pass by soon enough to get me forward to the 22nd, which u will be back by then, we shall have a nice break just like i promise, no work for that few days, just for you. All i can say right now is i just miss u alot. And i really ought to thanks god for what he has given me. I feel i am in a stupor, waiting for ur return to relief me from this drunken senerio. Hope you will be back soon.

Enough of my personal melancholy expression. Right now, there is a pending issue in my mind and i have to relate to this wonderful lady, she is J. Well here i go, J, i know that u have been waiting for me for a couple of years, and i am really touch by your devotion and enthusiam. But life is seldom smooth, and i guess it havn't been a smooth ride for you, esp when u call me, i am always in the middle of something, so sorry i can't pick up you call.

And i really have to thank you that i am so appreciated by you. You know wat, you are a nice person and i think there is always bound to be someone who catches your eyes rite? I feel bad tht in e past and til the present that i have been wasting your time, and your efforts of persual. So i hope you can find someone new and a person who will cherish you. I will pray for you and may the lord bless you. I am also glad that you read my blog religiously, as if it was a bible to you. But what i am more greatful is that you has always been a good and kind friend which is indispensible to ppl ard you. With tat, i hope you will understand J, that someone is just near by and time will come, like in my previous post, you will see that a better tommorrow will come.

Thanks for being such a kind soul. This is meant to let you know u are being appreciated and you have my blessing J.

Crumble Pieces of thougts?

2005-04-04T22:50:00.000+08:00

Well, it seems like your life is coming down on you, as you toil yourself on daily, trying every means of believing everyword that was told to you. Well its like your fault but yet you can't seem to right the wrongs. In you, it seems like a far cry battle, trying every means to fend youself from dwaning thoughts which starts to form the bigger picture of what it seems. You seems so restless and in the end, you are left lying down with gaping wounds which no one can heal. And slowly, the life of you will be drain out, and you are all alone again.

But i guess the big guy up there will always lead me to the light, where he embraces me with his warm loving arms, despite cruel and cold heart world below of you. I guess i am silly enough, of having great visions of the future, where its all so vague now to me, i dare not see nor visualise, all i can do is by taking a step at a time, hoping things will turn out fine. After all, i am just a person in the mist of crowd, where my exsitance is not sort after. So many songs, and so many hints, i guess i wasn't paying attention before. Isn't it amazing how someone could sub conciously be reminded of some people that has cross her path before, and memories are plenty to be remembered. Whereas on the other hand, one person is dying to make himself heard but yet was slap in the face hard by her oblivious behaviour. Sadness runs in everyone, sometimes you have people to sob along with you, sometimes you have people to console you, but i guess no one would enjoy spending time with thier sadness alone. I can't turn back time, or place situations in places which i want it to be, all i can do is trying my best to me.

Looking back, i won't say i have done my best, but at least i tried to, so maybe its time to stop protecting the intangible feelings and learn to let it go. But like i said, its not going to be easy, i am adapting and i hope i will get the hang of it. Pray with me on this journey. And I hope what I've learnt will bless you as well.

I'm tired, I am just telling myself that tomorrow will be a better day. And I am sure that the tomorrow will come one day.

Its it just me?

2005-04-03T10:09:00.000+08:00

Well, fancy me having an morning post which is very unlikely with me. Not feeling excatly good this time cos having a couple of troubled thoughts in my mind. Come to think of it, one of my army buddies just called me 5 mins ago saying that he have recieve an acceptance letter from NUS and he is going for and, i felt good for him and hope he will be able to acheive great results and a wonderful journey there. But looking back at myself, i felt so sad and ashamed that til now, i haven not even recieve a letter from them. I am not sure why thats the case, i guess its just me.

Life is not easy, neither is it perfect. But I am thankful that in my loneliness and brokenness, God cared enough to arrange a divine appointment for me. How amazing it is when it is something personally experienced.

A person who has been forgotten and taken for granted.

Noname

2005-03-20T22:17:00.000+08:00

Well, didn't really know what to name as a title for this entry, u know humans tend to become lazy and once they start to do something again, they will be quite lost. This is how i am feeling right now. Guilt fills my heart as i pain sakely kept on reminding myself that i should be more meticulous in my blogging entry. But anyways, i am having doubts of whether if people will read them. After all, it doesn't matters cos this is a place where i can express myself and u know, kinda let loose.

Having a hard time for the pass week, trying every liable means and methods to get my vitamin $ back from a friend whom i used to trust. Yeah, no typing error and no grammer mistakes. I 'USED" to trust is being use in this instance as sh fails to deliever her promise. I should have known better, as the saying goes, "be wise, and never lend you hard earn valubles to a gambler" and i am that idiot to have done so. I guess maybe thats just me, and i do have a soft spot too right? Having a cigarette in my left hand and with my right brain filled of thoughts, i guess all i can do right now is just to pester her and pray to the mighty one on top, hoping that she will one day felt guilty.

As for now, i should put that aside and concentrate my thoughts on other things. I manage to get a new job, which is less stressful as the previous one. But still, my thoughts still dawns on futher studies. 2 more months left for the uni which i applied for to reply me, and right now, i should think of the worse circumstances and get myself to locate my alternative plan, which is to study overseas. So many choices out there, i think i shld be doing more research on the unis which i am interested in, after all, its like investment, who wants to throw in a huge amount of money and in e end not having a great heap of benefits. I don't wish to come back not gaining any knowledge. As far as i am concern, gaining knowledge is the most impt, rather than getting the degree. But yet, this is the harsh fact of our domestic society where having a paper qualification means alot.

Looking back, i think i should do something about my bloggy, create a design which i like to suit me. Anyways, i finish my cigarette and i shld be getting some sleep. Afterall its a new week ahead tomorrow and lotsa work need to be done.

I was chatting with my fren during breakfast this morning, he said "as people get older, whether you are married or not, money seems to be the first piorty in the list" So what do you think?

Being Single

2005-02-16T02:31:00.000+08:00

Hmm, been quite sometime which i haven been updating this blog as i am busy with work and my uni application. Somtimes i just wish what i enjoy doing isn't so hard, i mean com'on, everyone is using thier result to get into uni but why do i have to go through so many test just to gain entry? Well, guess it the art of contentment which i need to practice on. Which i need to learn how to be contented with my personal self being and also the goals and aims which i have been look for these years.

A happy new 2005, is it really happy? Still have more to see before once make a desicion. Quit my job, now i am kinda going back to my freelance job again, but i hope that i am opening up my mind to great ideas rather than condemming myself to a relam of my own which nothing but crap work comes out. And i am piss as my phone is under repair and i am not having a phone with me right now, just hope that the repair won't cost that much and also it would be done pretty soon.

Just read one of an article which i would like to share with u all, i say again this doesn't belong to me and i am not claiming any credit, just would like to share some good articles with you all. Here it goes:

TOO often people want what they want, or think they want at the moment, which is usually "happiness" right now. The irony of their impatience is that only by learning to wait, and by willingness to accept the bad with the good do we usually attain those things that are truly worthwhile. I have a blessing which is sometimes seen as a curse. I am blessed with the gift of being single. For most of us twenty something young professionals, or simply single people it seems the world has already come up with its own set of expectations on how we should live life. The world expects us to finish school in our early twenties, get a job, find the love of our lives by the time we reach our mid-twenties, marry and have kids. But the thing is, not everyone sees their dreams come true in the same way. In this entry, I shall try to endeavor to change the way the world looks at being single.

The Art of Contentment. For most of us, being single will be more of a phase than a final destination. This is the best place to practice the art of contentment. Someday, I'm sure most of us will fall in love and get married. But the thing is, love will always be tested. Someone more handsome, more charming, richer, funnier, sweeter would come along. If you have not practiced the art of contentment as a single person, chances are you would be tempted to want that and not cherish your chosen one. Practicing the Art of Contentment as a single person means that you take what life gives you, good or bad, you're willing to see it through. It means you don't walk away every time things get tough because it builds in you patience, perseverance,understanding and a hundred different virtues that people in a hurry will never have. Being single means you would find how it feels to be alone thus, allowing you to cherish every moment you spend wit! h your chosen one. The art of contentment means you wouldn't mind if life had to make you wait for so long to find the love of your life, because you know that the waiting would only make the finding much sweeter.

A Time to Know Yourself Better. Being single is a time of your life when you can get to know yourself better. You can pursue different interests and passions without having to ask another person's approval. It is a phase when you can keep focus on other things, discover your potentials and talents, and see yourself become more than what you expect to be. Allow yourself to surprise you. Stop wasting precious energy trying to figure out why you're still romantically unattached. It's all in the mind. Take the time to go see your friends, spend time with your family, do charity work and you will realize that you are not, and never for one moment, was alone. Try to get to know yourself first before you try to get to know other people. To be truly loved means to be known and accepted for who you are. How do you expect other people to know you and to love you, when you don't know who and what you really are? A Choice between Good and Best. Sometimes the dilemmas we face are not between what is absolutely bad and absolutely good. Sometimes, it's between good and best. Treat this stage of your life as a phase to evaluate who is good for you and who is best for you. Sometimes, you won't hear music, or feel magic to know who's best for you.

The heart just knows and it doesn't need any romantically charged scenario to decide on the matter. Trust in your heart, and trust that time will eventually lead you to, not to the perfect partner, but to the most suitable partner for you. Being single is a phase of life that we need to be thankful for, because being single means our hearts have yet to choose the best one for us.

there's nothing wrong with being single...tym will come...and you'll see...

Tired Me

2004-12-28T22:34:00.000+08:00

I am tired, sick of everything around me, things just dun go right. I was being shouted at, i dun like it, cos this not suppose to happen, but it did...guess its not going to go for long......

Another nice story....

2004-12-16T22:07:00.000+08:00

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.This was the scene of ten years ago.The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water. We had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.Dew came into my life.It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girl's eyeballs." Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said "Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls." Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.I moved Dew's hands aside and said, "You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company." Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together or, I was lounging before the computer, visualising Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.One day I said to her in a slight joking way. "Suppose we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.Once again, Dew said to me. "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.?" Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got something to tell you". She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?" I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me. "You are not a man!" At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions. She didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple. Our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?" This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, "I remember." "You carried me in your arms." She continued, "So, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning." I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce." She said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.She closed her eyes and said softly. "Let us start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realised that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there."On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualisation of Dew became vaguer.On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.I didn't tell Dew about this.I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now." She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realised that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger.I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy."I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious." She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead, "You got no fever." I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew. I can only say sorry to you. I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you."Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favourite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote. "I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."

love is not to forget but to forgive, not to see but understand, not to hear but to listen, not to let go but HOLD ON!

Not really an ideal time...

2004-12-16T21:23:00.000+08:00

Hmm... here i am back again to this blog, where i guess i can say out whatever things thats going on in my mind. Maybe this is a source of inspiration sometimes, too much creative juices being used up during work these few weeks, time to get rejuvenated...keke.

Looking back, sometimes i am wondering if i am asking too much in life. Everyone have different expectations and demands to make them feel at ease, or i shall say secure. I haven have this feeling for quite a while, those dampen mood which is engulfing me rite now at this moment. Until now, i am puzzled by what romance and love does to ppl, its kinda weird, but yet captivating feeling. But nothing beats the kinda feeling when u felt defeated by your own emotions, emotions for the person you love. I am not excatly sure how shld i put it, or rephrase it, its just like being in a deliema of suprassing ur own feelings, just to make the other party feel more at ease. If i am not wrong, loving is about respect, understanding, trust, commitment, and etc. But does it means that you can't feel bad even if your other half happens to care for another person just becos he/she felt that they have let the other person down, but what abt your feelings? I guess the question here is not about which is more impt, it abt who you actually cared abt, if ur other half happens to care for another person that they have left them down in the past, just becos they felt gulity, and in addition will cause certian mix feeling in you, and if we follows the rules of loving, does it means that we have to understand and suprass our own emotions and just be glad that your are together?

To me, i beg to differ. I guess loving one another does compromise abt understanding, but there are a certian limitation i guess. Why do one have to ponder abt his/her past and neglect the one which is currently caring for him/her now? And in no time he/she will starts to find out that they have been wasting time on pondering abt the past and fail to see the open door of thier future? And for those lucky ones, maybe they will find that the other person is still there, but what if its vice versa? Thoughts and more thoughts, maybe thats the way life is, maybe some ppl, like me are born to accept certian deficts in our lives. Until this moment, maybe you might not understand a single word i have typed so far, or maybe u dun even understand a single epic in my blog, but til then, there will be a day which u will walk the same path as i am walk, will you be as dampen as me? Let me know when that happens.

It has been raining these few nights, ideal for sleeping, but not really ideal for me, cos i know that even thou i am asleep, my mind is not at ease...

Many ppl has cross our pathes in life, some may change our course of route, but it doesn't matter if things are changed, what matters is the person who change it are willing to guide you and see in the same perspective as you....

Enslave by my job

2004-11-20T21:58:00.000+08:00

Great, a saturday night and i am home alone rushing for deadlines for my concept art work, seems to me that its sort of like a job enslavement..keke, guess thats what my title is all about. Unemployment bites, as those without jobs would say so, which was where i was a couple of weeks ago. On the other hand, being stuck in a job which demands alot can be excruciating too. Hmm...what a word to use. Anyways, its not like say i am not really into my job, and for christ sake i have been in the designing scene for a couple of years to date, and i love designing. But my alter ego tells me to try out something which is also creative based(thats what i am well known of). which is to go free lance on writing magazine articles, and i do enjoy that. So anyone who wanna hire me, i am really cool with that..keke. just hope i am up to the job.

Back to the topic, i do enjoy designing, but is more of freelance based, i mean definately, it can't be compare to a real time job in terms of the monetary rebates, but it does give me ample amount of time to trade off. Meeting up with my old time frens is a great eye opener of me. Hear them talking about thier jobs had become a constant refrain of how they have been getting under-paid and increasingly long hours to think of, on top of that, that stress of mentor of thiers left and now they are saddled with additional work loads which i guess rings a bell to most of you, and inevitably i guess its happening to me real soon. Anyways, talking about our life is like a rat race, but i guess its more of like an amazing race...keke...looking at how each of us vie at one another and comparing our own calibre, guess it really seems like a big amazing race out there and we are chasing for the chance, sort of like an air ticket in the amazing race, to take us to where we wanna be.

For some fortunate ppl like the ass-holic vivan, who is a totally no-brainer and its gods injustice to give him a high achiever dad which pays off him very well, and i guess he has probably, already has know his direction in life(provided he is smart enough to figure out) and is halfway there by now, unlike most of us, including me, who is still burying ourselves in of increasing workload, trying to figure out where are we heading. Its sort of like taking a flight, like he is already halfway on his flight whereas for us, we are still trying to earn enough to get us the air ticket which will bring us to our final destination.

If this working society of ours is like a big airport, i guess i would love to be in the transit area, finding out from ppl where they are heading to, but i am not in a hurry to get anywhere, as i know if i am really getting on a flight, its going to be a one way ticket...

How i wish i have the luxury of waking up every morning not knowing whats going to happen next, so that i dun have any occupational woes and i won't be feeling enslave to my job....

Another Story

2004-10-31T08:53:00.000+08:00

There was once this guy who is very much in love with his girl. This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of paper cranes as a gift to his girl. Although, at that time he was just a small fry in his company, his future doesn't seem too bright, they were very happy together. Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualize any future for the both of them, so they went their own ways there and then.Heartbroken, the guy agreed. But when he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself. Finally with all the hard work and the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company.One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched. It didn't take him long to realize they were his girl's parents. With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan.He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same anymore, he had his own company, car, condo, etc. He made it! What he saw next confused him, the couple was walking towards a cemetery, and so he got out of his car and followed and he saw his girl, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone and he saw his paper cranes right beside her.Her parents saw him. He asked them why had this happened.
They explained. She did not leave for France at all. She was ill with cancer. She had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want to be his obstacle. Therefore she had chosen to leave him. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. She had wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again, he can take some of those back with him. Once you have loved, you will always love. For what's in your mind may escape but what's in your heart will remain forever.The guy just wept. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right besides her knowing you can't have her, see her or be with her ever again. Hope you understand.

* Find time to realize that there is one person who means so much to you, for you might wake up one morning losing that person who you thought meant nothing to you.

The ride home

2004-10-26T02:07:00.000+08:00

Hmm, it has been really a long time since i last updated this blog, have been busy working and life is good, as got to know more people which are lots more forgiving. Haven been really good as recently i have seen a true color of some dispicable cad, which i was totally misunderstood by him and cause a great hoo har in my life. Well, but i am glad as i am really fortune to have someone whom i love dearly to be by my side and support me, and i am truely apprciative of that, thanks dear...

I am really touch by what u have done for me and all these years make us feel grown alot, and todays ride back was really something which i feel touched, and i know i have made u quite unhappy abt staying up so late fixing someones com, but still u came and fetch me without a word, thanks dear....

And wonder when will u read this but still, hope u know what i meant

Its not how great an action is inorder to touch someone, it is those little things which u have done to make it a miricle for me....

Books and such

2004-09-28T23:07:00.000+08:00

Hmm, got a book today, quite and interesting one with a hefty price tag, anyways its really worth the buy. Think i am going back to the older days, got a diamond stud earring, gosh, ppl say i look gayish man...but i kinda like this kinda outlook of me. To u knowwho u are, i got a feeling u are avoiding me, and i am not sure what have i done wrong, maybe its something which i written on the blog which might offended you, and if thats so i sincerely apologise, and u are always a friend of mine, nothing else. Can't really understand why do people need to aviod things which they can't really faced up to it, i am also in this situation of evading ppl, and esp the topics on thier mind, but now i can understand how hard its for people to clear certian misunderstandings, i am not sure if u are still following my blog, guess maybe u might be appalled which u dun even wanna read it anymore.

Its always nice to be nice to ppl, but thru all these yrs i found out that kindness can be someone misery...

The second long run

2004-09-25T18:14:00.000+08:00

Tomolo going for my army half marathon, this will be the second longest run that i ever ran, but take it slowly as i am not going for competitive running, anyways, feeling abit strange recently, i am not sure what have i done or said wrongly which makes someone trying to evade me like a plague....its really heart wenching when u dunno why u are treated this way..anyways..hope that it will be make known to me soon.

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration

My dreaded freedom

2004-09-22T14:08:00.000+08:00

Phew! the day which i declared freedom officially, went back camp to grab some stuffs, pressure starts builing up in me, hearing opinions from fellow frens, thins seems to starts off well for them, and now i am still start will actually getting a different job, and also worried abt my application to uni. Guess is all my luck and i hope after this declared freedom will be a major change of my luck. Nothing really much to write abt, guess after all its not really that nice to pin all the thoughts here, cos it might not be that appealing for people to read, sometimes it just piss ppl off in some way.
Anyways, just saw this documentary on body reactions on winning and losing, i am suprise that our body actually reacts to the effect of winning and losing, guess i am losing, cos the senario of what the person was sayig about is totally excatly like, mine, guess losing something will affect other parts of ur live, damm, no wonder i felt so lousy and all my applications to job firms are not replied. Or just say i am plain lousy.

The feelings of dejection sets in anytime...anywhere

Being slient?

2004-09-20T02:40:00.000+08:00

If u are feeling lousy about not being able to keep a relationship or something which is of upmost importance to you, i urge u to think again. I guess we are moving too fast, and really missing or overlook alot of things or people who shown thier care and attention to those who needs it. Well, think again, what about those people who has shown concern and care in some special way but just keeping slient about possible feelings that they might develop for that person? Anyway, yesterday went for my another round of clubbing with my army buddies, but this time there was 2 new comers, and guess what, they were gone within and hour inside the club, they can't even stand up properly, the blame was thrown to me for making them drunk. Anyways its real fun cos i was the last man standing. But its real funny tht when ppl drink, the tell to say out whats really on thier mind, don't you think so? This funny intoxication can really do this wonder.

So one of them, shane was telling me how bad it feels to be caring for someone yet the person is just taking him as a fren, i mean shane is not those people who will rush things, but can't the feeling develop into something further rather than just hovering at the stage of frens? I dun understand sometimes but i guess not all is that lucky to meet someone who feels the same for one another, so no comments on that. Anyways, finish heap of stuff this week end and i felt the accomplishment, but i am still not able to get a job at a firm, so worries starts to sets in, hope it turns out better tomorrow...i hope it does change my luck...

Its weird when concern starts to become very general, no one will take your words as it was specially for them, they will look upon u and thought it is just how u normally are....

I am feeling very upset that i overslept...

2004-09-18T06:50:00.000+08:00

*Post Deleted*

Wharever = Whatever + Whenever + Wherever?

2004-09-18T01:20:00.000+08:00

U know who you are, pls stop giggling at this moment can? You are a bad influence, now my engrash is half past six liaoz.... Gosh i feel so sad, somethings can only be left unsaid...kekek. Anyways, come back to the point, this U know who you are, has taught me certian funny terms, for instance, mids = ( middle minded ) right? correct me if i am wrong. Besides this, i guess i need to learnt the flexi muscle driving techniques, highest grade of all driving, and the gayish finger's steering wheel touching techniques, can just drive u crazy...kekek.

Well to u know who u are, really had a great time talking to u and knowing more things about you, well, guess it will be nice we take it slowly....aries compliements leo full stop, guess i stop speculating abt the outcome, if not i will get killed in no time. Well, hopefully the hiking trip is still on end of this yr, i bet it will be fun. You are right, we belong to different league, i will never be him and he will never be me, like some kinda dinosuar catergorization. Well, he is brute as a dino sometimes..mean of me right?

In no time we will be discovered, maybe that will be to my advantage? If it was a fair competition? Says jon

Inochi No Name

2004-09-16T22:48:00.000+08:00

Been listening to this sound track name Inochi No Name, meaning The name of life, its a wonderful and very touching musical piece. Thinking abt it, whats the meaning of it? Guess is not by naming it, guess it by looking at it. Many times, our this single life, can really bring to us alot of emotions. But its mainly 2, which are sorrows or happiness. How do we define our life if its full of yearning? Shld it be sorrows or happiness? Sometimes thinking of someone who means alot to u can stir up this emotion, gald as he/she is part of ur thoughts, which becomes part of ur life. Or shld it be sorrows as he/she may never know how much u are actually missing them?
Its so perculiar abt it, abt the way we feel.

Been staring at the com, a funny thought came to me, it dwan on me that if the pc would have some AI, would it tell me stop staring at it? Staring at the layout of my client webpage, deadline is tomolo, and nothing is out from my mind, whats happening? Whats the missing piece which can make me generate my ideas?

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world

Not Responding

2004-09-15T19:13:00.000+08:00

Must have been a rough ride, or even a wrong time of the season. Certain things are bound to go in wrong someway, somehow. But no matter what, its important to let people know what u are going thru, always nice to have someone who u can lean on at this point of time. No matter how much tears u shed won't be the same anymore, as i guess it will be tears for the escaping freedom that u have been looking for. There will bound to be doubts in decision we made which will indirectly affect ur surrounding people, how many times u have tell urself that u wanna be urself, and how many times did u actually suceed? If each other time u thought of him, and kept dwelling that ur decision have hurt him, then are u really in control of our emotional aspect? Of all the words of tongue or pen, the saddest are those...it might have been. I am not really good with my words, and i do hope that with this thought u will feel better. Be glad that both of u have crossed each other paths, and be thankful that he have left a signiture for u to bring into memories. Trust in yourself and the decision that u have made, and u dun actually need anyone to confirm on that. And may our sleepless conversation may shed some light to the path u are embarking on.

The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do.The hard part is doing it.

Five and a Quarter hours

2004-09-13T06:02:00.000+08:00

Yup, as the tittle say, this is how long i was on e phone just now. Alot of thoughts came to my mind, all this yrs i have never really enjoy talking on e phone, but being able to hear someone to pour our thier woes to u is something really nice, as u are classified as a person thats on the person mind when he/she is down. Did sleep for 2 days liao, really tired, got to catch some rest, and to u know who u are, i would date u if i can keke...

I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad. Perhaps there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers

The slience of the nights

2004-09-12T02:52:00.000+08:00

Well, in the dead of the night, its the nicest time for people to sit back and relax ourselves, read a book or even talk to someone. But yet here i am trying to finish up some presentation stuff for a friend, again i fail to decline his plea for help. And here i am stuck, trying to keep myself awake. The glaring screen doesn't ease the pain my eyes are suffering, so i decided to take a break and here i am typing this blog. When for tkd training today, it has been quite a while since i last when back, but the feeling is still amazing, esp when u sweat it out, as if all the sorrows are drown with the perspiration.

Last night, was reading this article which my fren sent thru email to me, title dolce vita, in french meaning sweet times. Its about this person falling for another person online, so this proves my theory is rite, it doesn't matter on which corner of the earth we are, but it is the person u are talking to that matters, i guess this is what people define a soul mate. Suddenly have this funny idea of making a short flim, abt lives of people who are frantically searching for thier other half, not those type which focus on the dating part, i would love to focus on thier emotional aspect, cos it will be more relevant to what we are facing daily. It will be more indepth to how the feel when they are alone. Anyone interested in this short flim, pls tell me.

I was browsing some movies reviews and came upon this show call "The enternal sunshine on the spotless mind" By jim carrey, unlike him to be featured in this kinda movie. But it total change my perception on certain things, let me tell u the synopsis of the movie ;
After years of a rocky relationship, Joel (Carrey) discovers that his long-time girlfriend, Clementine (Winslet), has undergone an experimental procedure in which all of her memories of Joel are removed. When Joel realizes what she's done, he's frustrated by being in love with a woman who doesn't remember him or the time they spent together, so he goes to the psychiatrist (Wilkinson) to have the same procedure. The procedure erases each memory at a time, with the most recent ones going first, and as this is happening, Joel realizes he doesn't really want to forget Clementine. He begins to hide her into parts of his memory where she doesn't belong, and in the process, alters his other memories.

So hows the kinda of plot for a change? Well, i am not really a sucker for sci-fi stuff, but this is some good stuff we got here. For those who have watch it, i reco u go catch this show. Although it might be sometime back. Haven been attending church service these days, and what i set out to acomplish is also not done yet. Back to focus time, hope those out there reading my this entry won't be in the same scenerio as me. Gosh, headache, better get some pain killers.

Is a person height really that important? If thats so, why are we having this famework on people?

Don't you want to join us?" I was recently asked by an acquaintance when he ran across me alone after midnight in a coffeehouse that was already almost deserted.
"No, I don't," I said

Communication Ateiler

2004-09-09T14:52:00.000+08:00

This post was spposingly be posted last night, but e blogger had some server problem i guess, its late but here it goes. I was really pondering on certian thoughts last night while i was doing some art work, the question is, what makes us humans communicate so well with each other even though we may not know each other. Lets say u were having a online chat with someone, did u even notice that the surroundings around you? Do yo really know that u are talking with this person thru a advancment of technology? Or do you feel as if the person were right infront of u? Do you realise ur surroundings may not be familer to u? If you feel this why, was it the person u talking to making u feel spirtual connection with one another? Aside with my eccentric thoughts, so i had a nice chat with this fantastic lady which i came to know that day, its really nice to hear her views and thoughts and mainly how she was feeling and whats she going thru, i know that i may not be excatly in her shoes, but boy, i tell u i felt the pinch as i was in her situtation before, believe me or not;(to the lady and i hope she is reading this) you showed me how beautiful the human spirit and determination of the mind can be. And it has been a long time since i has this kinda wonderful conversation, and i thank u for that.

In life, its the little things which matters the most. And something for that lady:(abstracted from an article i read)

The past is something we should use to guide our future, not something that should control or direct it. When we allow our past to dictate what we do now, we are no longer in control of our person. Instead, it is our past that is in control. Unfortunately, many people are not aware that this is what is going on. They know the past is affecting them, but they are not aware to what degree or how it is changing them as a person and their outlook on life. How many times have you heard a person say they don't want to get involved because they don't want to get hurt again? While this seems like a reasonable outlook after dealing with such a "controlling, abusive, lying, or cheating" partner, it is really just a crutch. When a person compares everyone in their future with the people of their past who have hurt them, they are voluntarily letting them control their future as well. They are still attached to them in a way that is even worse than when they were together. Because now, it is isn't even a real person who controls them, but a shadow.We all know that, "Knowing is only half the battle." The other half is learning how to release your shadows. If you've found that you are unable to find a true commitment with someone, it is more than likely because you have a few shadows lurking around. The first step to releasing them is to find them. To do this you need to get in touch with yourself.Only you can do it yourself !!! Not in the company of other people! You need time for personal discovery. You can't discover yourself when someone else is chatting in your ear or giving instruction as to what you should be doing. It is your life, your's feeling and the love that you are going after.I think one need to learn the act of forgive and forget. You can't go forward if you're stuck on someone in the past. Agreed that you are a great partner, you did the best you could and if it's not meant to be, then it's just not meant to be. Things work out the way they do for a reason. Sometimes the reasons are not always clear right away. Trust in yourself that the right decisions were made, and know that you don't need anyone else to make you happy. Only you can truly do that..

And Lastly, something from me to u know who u are "Listen not to vain words from empty tongue"

-Be sensitive to your surroundings. Things happen in a flash sometimes too fast for you to notice but they only appears once-

Relationship Management

2004-09-08T05:02:00.000+08:00

Thought it might be intriguing to the mind when it comes to affairs of e heart. Remember in my earlier post, i was mentioning about this silly fellow name Vivian, he is very perculiar when it comes to ladies. He was mentioning about having some feelings for this person he met online, name adrena, so it came to this incident that they were suppose to meet up, but the girl stood him up, so he was quite furious about it and wanna call quits, then after browsing thru friendster, he saw another person that he fancies, and he can immediately jump to conculsion that he wanna be with her. Well, come to my point, what i am trying to convey is that if relationships are all based on looks, then whats the meaning of being spritual with the person u love? Tto me, i feel that its quite childish of him that he is falling for every possible girl that he could lay his hands on, and what i can't stand about him is that he is treating people (frens) ard him as his tools to get the person(female) that he wants.

Come to think about it, if he view his frens as tools, does he really cherish relationship as it ought to be? He really needs to work on his character. In life, i guess alot of things are intangible, esp love. But if love is obtain by his perspective, then i guess he won't be enjoying the aura of it. Alot of people is trying to convince me in getting in another relationship, but this relationship thing isn't a bandwagon, i had one and the only one so far which lasted for 4 yrs, and i guess it takes alot of conmmitment and effort to get to where i left off. So this isn't something which can be replace. Maybe i am not cool enough at anything to have a world record, but i guess my perspective of love is something which is impregnable.

So unless i meet the right woman, my relationship deficits looks like its here to stay. Love and marrige are inevitable rites of passage, so maybe kicking the bucket is the ultimate rite of passage? Great.

Anyways, to my fren Iz who just got married, thanks for the wedding dinner, god bless u two. And have kids soon...

Short on life defining moments? No worries just mark the milestone of your life says jon

Am i losing it?

2004-09-06T01:12:00.000+08:00

Arggh!! Nothing is coming out from my brain. Hmm, got a freelance project now, but been stressing out my brains trying to come up with a good logo for the company and the layout of e webbie. But guess have to do more research. Really quite slack recently, have not been doing my regular exercise. Must go back to some workout to keep in tip top condition, if not i would even lose my chrasima.

Have been waiting the chinese scary epic from channel U tittled kum kum. Quite scary as the story they related are more domestic and locally based. And the effecs are quite good, very intelligent showcase on the part as the decide to reel it during the hungry ghost month. Lucky i never met something like that but i guess given me a chance i also would not wanna to meet one. Been out just now with Vivian, he is the problematic one, as u know rich ppl only have some worries which is finding a spouse, he was asking me and MW out for dinner, tot he was sincere abt it so went along, but in e end was to meet up with someone who he fancys, felt quite bad abit it as i was used to be his company as he wanna me and MW to be his confidence builder.

Well, can anyone tell me whats a good logo design? I would love to, hope i can finish the site in time and will post the URL here for u guys to view it. Anyways, back to work!

All things work together fo good to them that love god

Decision making

2004-09-03T02:57:00.000+08:00

hmm, folks out there i have been facing some kinda dilemma recently, well, i was basically offer a place to go to join Ex Vailant Mark, a trip to hawaii, duration ard 2 mths time, leaving on 6th sept. Well, sounds like a gread deal eh? Sort of the big break i was looking forward to, but this break comes with a hefty price tag, i need to extend my ORD date by one month, no extra pay, on self commintment basis. Well, final call, i rejected the offer. Have been reading my ex's blog, and notice that she i mentioning abt thing which she has been thru, mostly unhappy thoughts, well, as u know my com crash, and i did not manage to produce an art work which i promise her that i will do, so she was complaining abt this person giving her certian promises which he can't keep. Hope that the person she was refering wasn't me. Hai~ really need to focus on what i wanna outta life, can really seem to appreciated the life i am having nw, although its quite enjoyable, relaxing, but still i prefer something with more zest. Have been a spending quite alot these few days, opps, did i mention i bought a new Sony Ericsson P900? keke, winks. Anyways, got this offer to do my cousin's gf webbie, so now coming up with the correct interface and mood, she need some caricatures though, anyone any ideas on how to do something which is sweet but yet stunning on the female side? Hmm, guess i shld get a gf to do further studies of the female thinking span. Hmm, got to go and rest, tomorrow going back cam, for a good cause, is to pack stuff up. =)

Hmm, though i saw natasha today....but guess can't be possible....

Wasted youth

2004-08-28T12:24:00.000+08:00

Hmm, wondering why didn;t i update this blog fer a couple of days? All thanks to my stupid intel com, i was doing some 3D stuff and as usual, xp show me the error screec, and when i tried booting up the system after i reset, the windows simply can't be found, isn't it strange? I tried means and ways of reviving and salvaging whats left of my dubious artwork, but still i can get it to work, so only by resorting to the last method, which is to format, then only i can get it working. So i guess u people out knew which was the method i adopt to. Anways, now have a long run of software installations, uncanny programs manipulations, and lastly, a tedious job of creating all my artworks again.

Having Faith in something which failed on you, isn't it consider a scam?

The Missing Rib

2004-08-23T22:44:00.000+08:00

A girl in love asked her boyfriend.

Girl: Tell me. Who do you love most in this world?

Boy: You, of course!

Girl: In your heart, what am I to you?

Boy: The boy thought for a moment and looked intently in her eyes and said, "You are my rib. It was said that God saw that Adam was lonely, during his sleep, God took one of Adam's rib and created Eve. Every man has been searching for his missing rib, only when you find the woman of your life, you'll no longer feel the lingering ache in your heart."

After their wedding, the couple had a sweet and happy life for a while.

However, the youthful couple began to drift apart due to the busy schedule of life and the never-ending worries of daily problems, their life became mundane.

All the challenges posed by the harsh realities of life began to gnaw away their dreams and love for each other. The couple began to have more quarrels and each quarrel became more heated.

One day, after the quarrel, the girl ran out of the house. At the opposite side of the road, she shouted, "You don't love me!"

The boy hated her childishness and out of impulse, retorted, "Maybe, it was a mistake for us to be together! You were never my missing rib!"

Suddenly, she turned quiet and stood there for a long while. He regretted what he said but words spoken are like thrown away water, you can never take it back. With tears, she went home to pack her things and was determined in breaking-up.

Before she left the house, "If I'm really not your missing rib, please let me go." She continued, "It is less painful this way. Let us go on our separate ways and search for our own partners."

Five years went by...

He never remarried but he had tried to find out about her life indirectly. She had left the country and back. She had married a foreigner and divorced. He felt anguished that she never waited for him.

In the dark and lonely night, he lit his cigarette and felt the lingering ache in his heart. He couldn't bring himself to admit that he was missing her.

One day, they finally met. At the airport, a place where there were many reunions and good byes. He was going away on a business trip. She was standing there alone, with just the security door separating them. She smiled at him gently.

Boy: How are you?

Girl: I'm fine. How about you? Have you found your missing rib?

Boy: No.

Girl: I'll be flying to New York in the next flight.

Boy: I'll be back in 2 weeks time. Give me a call when you are back. You know my number. Nothing has changed.

With a smile, she turned around and waved good bye.

Good bye...

One week later, he heard of her death. She had perished in New York, in the event that shocked the world.

Midnight, once again, he lit his cigarette. And like before, he felt the lingering ache in his heart. He finally knew. She was the missing rib that he had carelessly broken.

Sometimes, people say things out of moments of fury. Most often than not, the outcome could be disastrous and detrimental. We vent our frustrations 99% at our loved ones. And even though we know that we ought to "think twice and act wisely", it's often easier said than done.

Things happen each day, many of which are beyond our control. Let us treasure every moment and everyone in our lives.

Tomorrow may never come. Give and accept what you have today.

Rich Problems, Poor Problems

2004-08-23T11:08:00.000+08:00

Hmm, must be wondering what my tittle means. Well, i guess everyone has problems, and it will make up to a milestone list. But i catergorize them in to two major people with 2 different problems. Hmm, for richer and more well to do counterparts, i guess mostly they are worrying about their social status, the number of club memberships they have compared to people and also if they can find a pretty spouse. But for those less fortunate, we are worrying about how to get rich, if we can get a good job, or even maybe when will we get married. Hmm, if this is the issue, why bother to be rich, as even though u get rich, u will be facing another set of worries. When i was younger, i was always wondering how come certain people get all the things they wanna, but looking at myself, i guess i am lucky that i am qutie talanted, so isn't this a kinda wealth which alot of people are dying for. I guess all i wanna is just being able to be myself, at all times.

Loneliness is a rave party by itself, and having a rave party is by gathering all lonely souls out there.

Feelings of being alone

2004-08-22T18:55:00.000+08:00

Hmm, actually quite lazy to update today as i had a long night last night. Went to china black, that place is really not my cup of tea, alot of young punks. But still quite okie, at least i did not go there alone. As you know the kinda infamous question which i mention in the previous post was posed to me again. But this time, i gave it a serious thought. Why am i alone? I am not excatly sure how can i related to you ppl out there, is it that i am really use to being alone? Even though ultimately, humans are looking for love? Or izzit the critiria that i am looking at is not met? But strange enough when i commnicating with someone which i hardly know, sorry to say sometimes the though will come in, i would feel that how come this lady standing right in front of me is not mine to beigin with? There are alot of quries and thought lurking in the back of my brain, and i think its no really ideal to think about this. Anyways, ignore me, as i am not really in e mood. how i wish i was remembered by someone....

Isn't 4 yrs of love compared to 2.5??

Understanding the Misunderstood

2004-08-21T09:28:00.000+08:00

Finally, everything is over, atec is over, army is over, now is embarking on a new journey of life. Which means another worry will set in. Had a bad day yesterday, has some heated arguement with one of my guys under my command, really need to work on my temper i guess. Forget about that, come back to atec, it was really cool, everyone was fighting together as one, the feeling is damm good, i think i am going to miss the time i am called the elite pathfinder. keke, anyways, gone were the days that i dawn on my jungle hat and no. 4 and travelling around by choppers. Now its all back to my com and my art work. Thats something to look forward to.

Just recieve a testimonial from my ex which i was with for almost 4 yrs. She is he first and the last so far, and i really can say she had left a deep impact in my life which i will never forget. But the feeling is great when you found someone back after so long that you lost contact with.

Upon looking at myself, i realised that there are alot of task which i need to complete and alot of habits which i really need to change. And the big question now is how to change it and the process of doing it, i know it sounds crappy to some of you but i guess everyone will encounter situations like this, so back to my work and i guess i really need to focus.

i am not provocative, its just me

So as two speak

2004-08-15T12:42:00.000+08:00

Hmm, just woke up *yAwNz*

Yesterday patronize dbl o as raymond invited me due to his girlfriend's birthday, quite enjoyable, haven been this enjoyable for quite sometime. But the problem about attending this kinda function is that people tends to pop the infamous question up to you. "hey, how come you came alone, wheres your other half?" or they would say, "when you intending to get a girlfriend." It comes to a point of time which u will feel piss about all this, is it really that important to get one at this stage so that when i get older, i will have someone to settle down with? Anyways, drop that subject. Been eating much more than before, really need to get some weight lost or i will be out of shape in double quick time.

Went to kinnokuniya yesterday to in search of this book by ballistic printing. I was really amaze by how some artist can create such heavenly art work, i have been working on a piece and i really dislike that idea which i am always interupted by my NS stuff, hope i am able to finish it soon and will post it up soon.

Thats all i can come up with my puny little brain.

Factors of trust?

2004-08-14T01:06:00.000+08:00

hmm, have been 3 days since my last update, have been busy in camp with all those pre prep for the finale, which is due next week and after that all will be history. Coming back to my title, i guess its a habit of me to start of the blog with a title which is quite relevant to the it. Factors of trust, what does it really compromise of? Does it means by doing things for the other person to thier liking and slowy they will trust you? Or is it that every other time a promise made and it was fulfied created the trust? Well i guess its pretty hard to determind how one trust can be obtain, but its really easy to know how one can break the turst of others. And the answer is lies. Well, no matter how your well are your intentions of lying, no one will ever trust you again as the fact is that you have lied, and there goes your rep. But what if the situation is that you really care for the person and by lying is the best way to resolve the problems in between the both of you? Isn't that something which shld be forgiven? For this i leave it for you all to ponder on.

Came across this phrase "The heart has reason which reason itself don't understand". I guess it pretty true til certain extend, come to think of it, many of us do things which we don't really understand why, and most of this things revole around this intangible feeling called love. We are known to do incredible things just for love, after all our sole exsistance here is to search for love which no one can deny.

Hmm, dun really know how to articulate whats on my mind, seems like tiredness is a barrier to my thoughts

Humble beginings?

2004-08-10T00:41:00.000+08:00

Hmm, first title for my blog, guess its really a humble one as i am working on a blog which i can intergrate in my webbie, so this is sort of like a temp one. Not excatly sure why did i choose to jump onto this bandwagon of blogging, i guess maybe its really a good way to force a person to reflect on whats happening in his/her daily life. As gobal culture changes, humans like me are starting to overlook alot of thing in terms of emotional aspect. Maybe we should slow down sometimes to take alook around us, rather than to remain oblivious to everything

Time really flies, two more weeks to my declared freedom, thinking back, 2 and a half yrs of deprive freedom due to national service has really toughen me alot in terms or my physical being and also my mental self. Currently trying to fix up some work, digital paintings. Have to be more deligent as i dun think i got much time as i really need a good portfolio in order to get a job or entry to unis. "Sighz" What to do? Life goes on....

'Phew', first night i am spending at home this week, have been over at Vivan's place nearly everynight trying to help him sort out "a letter of confession". Hmm, dun be mistaken, Vivan is a guy, thats why i use him, rather than her. Funny fellow with a funny name, guess he really need to sort out his piorties when it comes to love. Anyways, feeling so lethrgic now, better get some rest, more programs coming up tomolo....

long day ahead